Do you view love the way a hallmark movie might represent it? Hallmark movies typically consist of a -somewhat- corny plot of a small-town man who meets a city girl and though they come from different worlds, they fall in love. Hallmark movies- and others like them- usually focus on the overall romantic and idealistic aspects of love that keep us wishing for that picture-perfect love. Well, I’m here offer an opposing reality check. To put it simple, Biblical love is quite different.
While the world presents a love that is idealistic, romantic, and covered in roses- biblical love is sacrificial. Although biblical love is still defined by a love that may hold those rose-filled moments, there’s an even bigger emphasis on sacrifice, service, and doing more than receiving.
More than the feelings, biblical love creates transformative relationships and leaves an impact. Just as Jesus loved the world to the point of dying for us- showing that his care was actionable for the good of others- the same should be true for us. Biblical love is not focused on selfish interests-but instead- humble submission.
In this Blog Post:
- What Love is not: Debunking Myths About love
- Biblical Definition of Love: What the bible says about love
- Key Bible Verses
- How to show biblical love in your day-to-day
- Tool to help you grow in biblical love
What Love Is Not: Debunking Myths About Love
While exploring the topic of love, we realize that there is a lot of false information out there on what love actually is. While we are sure a lot of it is not intended to cause harm- but instead purely to entertain and appease- it’s still important to address. So, before we get going on explaining what love is (based on what God says) we first think it’s important to consider what it’s not.
Myth #1: Love is just a feeling
When we look at how love is represented in media, we notice that a lot of the times it is talked about as a feeling. From shows like The Bachelor to movies like The Idea Of You, mainstream media consistently illustrates love in a way that characterizes it as a feeling. In The Bachelor, for instance, as contestants attempt in winning over the heart of the bachelor- it is common to hear them say something along the lines of, “I am falling in love with you.” This phrase talks to the persons feelings towards the other and how their feelings are growing the more they get to know them.
Their feelings motivate them in taking risks to pursue the relationship, even while there are still 3 to 4 other contestants in the running.
Similarly, in the 2024 blockbuster movie, The Idea of You, the two main characters are running off feelings. Anne Hathaway plays a cool young, divorced mom who falls in love with a significantly younger pop singer. Their love and relationship develop quickly and leads them to traveling the world together and making headlines. However, as soon as the feelings of “love,” are challenged by external voices, the relationship falls apart. They choose to separate because their initial feelings of “love,” are blurred by the difficulties that eventually take away the easy feelings experience at beginning of their fling.
The Truth is, Love is a choice.
In the bible love is defined as something that you do and not something that you only ~feel~. Jesus commands his disciple to love one another as he loved us. This demonstrates how it is not optional based on our emotions but instead is based on our decisions (John 15:12). At the same time, John highlights love as something that we engage in throughout actions and not just our words (1 John 3:18). It is clear that love takes intention in order to be real and rooted in true love.
Myth #2: Love means accepting everything
The other day, one of my friends was expressing her desire to make deeper Christian friends at our church. She noted that lately while seeking advice, she has noticed that many of her girlfriends that are not Christian, will tell her things she wants to hear. However, she recognizes that deep down what she might want to hear, is not always what will help her grow or learn. For instances, even though their acceptance of dating a man that is not good for her- or their validation on certain bad decisions that she’s taken feels good in the moment, deep down she knows it’s not what’s best.
Typically, this is a common way that love is represented in the mainstream. It is seen as loving to validate the feelings, actions, or choices of your loved ones- even when it’s not rooted in truth. This type of love accepts anything a person might want or feel- as long as they are not offended and feel good about what you tell them.
The reality is, Love Speaks Truth- even if it hurts.
King Solomon shares wisdom of how the absence of truth is a way of hiding love. At the same time, telling someone what they want to hear is a form of being an enemy to your friend (Proverbs 27:5-6). Here King Solomon is outlining that true love corrects even in moments where it might be uncomfortable.
Similar to how God often loves us, he tells us the truth not because he thinks it’s always going to be easy- but he knows that ultimately it is what is best for us (1 Corinthians 6:12). God knows that we have free will and are able to do anything we want because of that. However, certain paths can lead down serious consequences and unnecessary hurt.
Myth #3: Love is about Personal Happiness
When we look at movies and trends in our culture- you may notice how often people are concerned about what’s in it for them. While love does involve some give-and-take, most often, people are concerned about their personal happiness. In the popular song by, Ellie Goulding, “Love Me Like You Do,” the lyrics focus on personal pleasure and receiving.
Lyrics from the song sing, “only you can set my heart on fire, on fire.” This consistent theme in the song demonstrates a definition of “love,” that is heavily reliant on what the other person should do to make them feel good. Love is perceived as something that satisfies, makes one happy, feels good, and brings fulfillment.
The Truth is, Love is Selfless.
Throughout the entire bible, love is never described as something that you should be expecting to receive from people. Instead, love is something that is consistently framed in a way that emphasis sacrifice and service extended towards others.
The admirable apostle Paul gives us this stern reminder in the New Testament. He calls us to be people who do nothing out of self-ambition but instead to count others more significant than ourselves in everything we do-which includes, love (Philippians 2: 3-4).
Biblical Definition of Love: What the Bible Says About Love
Now that we have all the myths out of the way- and we’ve debunked those common ways in which love is represented in mainstream media and culture- lets dive deeper into what it truly IS!
We’ve already outlined that love is a choice, lived through actions, truthful, and selfless- but furthermore it is greatly, unconditional. Love is first defined and rooted in the truth of who God is. God is the true standard of love for our lives, and we can notice his unconditional love in two ways. Firstly, God talks about his love towards us as something that is illustrated by dimensions, space, and our circumstances.
Paul writes to the Romans,
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the Love of God in Christ Jesus Our Lord”
(Romans 8:38-39).
He makes it crystal clear, God’s love towards us is not dependent on our status, or overall worthiness. It doesn’t matter the circumstances we might be placed in, there is no true barrier that will create a gap between the love that God is always willing to give us.
Secondly, the unconditional love of God is also demonstrated through the clear illustration of its endurance. God does not limit his love to us. There is not expiration date based on feelings that are lost, interests that do not align, or actions unable to be lived- instead- his love overflows.
Paul writes to the Corinthians,
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and endures all things”
(1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).
This all-encompassing definition of love ends with the truth of the enduring power of true love. Even while going through the hardships of life, the angers, the wrong doings, it recognizes that true love conquers in a timeless way. The true love of God begins and overflows through the actions, selfless acts, and truths that lead to its success.
This is the true Love of God. This is the love that God displayed when he sent Jesus to die on the cross. Though we will never be as glorious as Jesus, this overflowing love is the same Love which he calls us to resemble. We are not perfect- of course- so we will never achieve the full likeness of the Lord, but we should try our best to live it out.
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Key Bible Verses About Love & How- to Live Them Out
1. Love is Patient and Kind (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Love is emphasized as being patient and kind. This simple pairing is a call on how to respond and approach others. For example, if you’re ever in a position of having to wait for someone and you’re maybe feeling tempted to rush- a way to show that person love is to be patient. At the same time, kindness is an attitude you should carry with you while interacting with them. It represents the gentleness of God towards us in all moments.
These two ways of loving others lead to a love that becomes timeless and is full of grace towards the people around you.
2. God’s Love is sacrificial (John 3:16)
Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice that life could ever point to. God’s love towards the world to send his one and only son so that we may have everlasting life- is one that is fully rooted in the good for all people. One way we can live sacrificially towards others, is by doing things that are ultimately going to lift others up even if its inconvenient for us. For example, if you have a parent who needs your help, and they live on the other side of the world or town, moving closer to them to offer support is a bold and meaningful way to show your care and love.
You may have loved where you lived before moving, but the sacrifice of giving up your own desires for the well-being of your parent is one that will be felt deeply and leave a lasting impact on their life. This is a love that considers their deep needs over your own and reflects the goodness of God.
3. Love Forgives (Colossians 3:13)
Many times, in the New Testament we see how Jesus highlights and reminds us of God’s forgiveness towards us because of Jesus. His constant reminders of Gods gesture in forgiving us, sets the stage for a call to demonstrate how we should seek to do the same. When we forgive and release people’s wrong doings towards us- we are able to be more Christ. Jesus shows us radical grace, and when we forgive and do not hold onto wrongdoings, we extend the same grace to others.
The next time someone does something that may hurt you, forgive them. You can do this even if they do not necessarily apologize. Go to God in prayer and trust him with your feelings of hurt. Then be willing to surrender those emotions to God and choose to not hold on to those negative feeling against that person. Love them anyway- and try your best not to bring up or harp on the past. The Lord will honor your posture of forgiveness, and he will forgive you in the moments where you will fall short too.
How to Show Biblical Love in Daily Life
Now that we have given you a pretty comprehensive look at defining love, in biblical terms, let’s break it down on how to apply these principles. You may be wondering how to approach these insights of love with specific relations. Here are some specifics:
In Family Relationships: Handle conflicts with love
Sometimes family members are the easiest people to fall into conflicts with. Since they tend to be the people in which we feel the most comfortable with, it is easy to handle conflicts in a way that is filly with anger. Instead, practice open and clear communication. Learn how to talk clearly over any misunderstandings and ask questions that may help them too. Practice your patience and seek to understand more than seeking to be understood.
In friendships: Being a source of encouragement and truth.
When your friends are going through a hard time, pray for them. Use your time with the Lord to intercede on their behalf. The Holy Spirit can help you have a word of insight that may encourage them through any circumstance they may be going through. Seek to lift them up and hold they’re through moments where they need your support. Showing love in friendships is about being there for them in the good times and the bad times.
In Romantic relationships: Practicing purity and sacrificial love.
If you are in a romantic relationship and not married yet, seek purity. Approach your relationship in a way that honors God and the person you are dating. This means, waiting until marriage, and establishing healthy boundaries. This demonstrates a deep sense of respect towards the other person and expresses a love that guards both your hearts before committing to a life together.
If you are married already, love your spouse through selflessness and sacrifice. Seek to serve your husband or wife in a way that helps to support them. A marriage is a holy union designed to illustrate the love God has towards his church. While doing this you will notice how much more you will love your spouse through acts of kindness and help.
In Church & Community: Serving others selflessly.
Being a part of a church is so much more than only attending to listen to a sermon. God calls us to love one another as a family. We are not just “church attendees,” but brothers and sisters knitted together in the kingdom. We all have a purpose within the body, and expressing your love towards the church is about stepping into your role.
Maybe that means you can join a team where you help set up, administer, or serve in kids ministry. Whatever you feel God calling you to be, serving in these capacities will help you love your spiritual family through these serving opportunities.
Your Challenge This Week
Biblical love is actionable. Set aside the myths that culture and media have taught you to believe and start practicing a love that never ends.
During this time of reflecting on God unconditional love, pick one bible verse related to love and meditate on its meanings. Find opportunities in your day-to-day life where you can live out its teachings.
Ask God to guide you as you approach your relationships whether that be your neighbor, a person at your church, a family member, friend, or spouse.
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